Breakups are a killer. It maybe because you’ve lost someone you really loved; or because you’ve been unceremoniously dumped; or you were ghosted for no reason and there’s no closure making you go crazy with the whys or simply because you have too much free time on your hands now. Whatever the reason, here are a few tips to help you get through the worst of it.
1. Give yourself permission to be unkempt but only for a specific amount of time
Break-ups are hard on both men and women but women can be harsher on themselves post break-up at times. You’re bound to be angry and emotional and rightly so. Set yourself an end date for being messy and that goes for both men and women. This is the only acceptable time to show up for lunch in a messy shirt or lounge pants.
2. Bury your dead relationship
Literally, have a funeral, just like mourning someone who is dead, a breakup isn’t any different. Stop waiting for the other person to somehow magically come back running to you or thinking of ways to trick them into being yours again. Set a date for a funeral, do it alone or with friends and drown your sorrows for a day if you have to. Bury the gifts, trinkets or items you once shared and give a eulogy if you must. The most important thing is to mentally tell yourself it’s over and it’s final.
3. Unfollow him/her
Looking at him or her being happy on Instagram with your replacement isn’t going to help you at all. So stop the social media stalking and unfollow everywhere possible and this includes your ex’s friends and family.
4. Delete his existence
Similar to the above, delete all contacts on your phone, double delete if you have to so if you go to messages and start typing initials you don’t get a prompt with his or her name and number popping up.
5. Stop sharing accounts
Netflix, Prime, HBO Go or Spotify maybe very convenient and cheaper to share but if you’ve been doing it with your ex, stop it now.
Although it is time consuming and expensive to do it all on your own but you are going to feel very satisfied and empowered once you’ve set up your own accounts for everything.
6. Think of the good things about being single again
Remember all the compromises you had to make as a couple and all the joint decision-making? Guess what? You don’t have to anymore. Do whatever you like because it’s all on you now, you get to live your life completely on your own terms.
7. Go out, lunch, brunch, shop, visit a museum, watch a play
I know it feels like the world has died and how does everyone look so happy. But going out and interacting is one way to get out of your misery. Do something for someone else, help a friend, volunteer, help a family member with a project they have been postponing. Just get out of your head for a bit and you may gain some perspective on how tiny we are in the bigger scheme of things.
8. Set up a call shift for your friends
When one friend is going through a tough time, the rest can set up a schedule and take turns talking and listening to that person vent with empathy and understanding. If someone needs the other person to come over because they can’t bear to be alone, be there. Have a system in place where someone is always available to help the other even remotely.
9. Be single until you’re completely ready for someone new
There’s no need to be single for a long period of time or have some long drawn out mourning period but don’t jump into anything too soon either. Be sad, get over it and go back to your old self before you think of anyone new so you don’t carry old baggage into the new relationship. More importantly if the prospect of being alone on a weekend feels perfectly fine, it’s one of the clues that you’re ready to move on.